As I sit at my desk, preparing to write as succinct a summary as possible of this last year's torrid events, I allow myself a somewhat hesitant sigh of relief. After all, how can this coming year be any worse than the one we have all just exited? In truth, it could turn out a whole lot worse, but as I tend not to be pessimistic, I keep telling myself that the worst is behind me.
The year 2013 has proven to be a considerably difficult one and I do not believe that I am the only one who has suffered at the hammer hands of such a miserable allotment of time. I am sure many of you have experienced much of the same hardships.
Before I begin my synopsis however, allow me to offer up a disclaimer. There are some who might view my impending writings as some bitter diatribe or some overtly emotional tirade regarding the finer points of my assumed hardships but that could not be further from the case. The end of 2013 has left me brooding, my mind embroiled with countless thoughts and proverbial "what-ifs". Often the only manner which seems to ease my mind and give me some semblance of cohesive peace is to write out my thoughts in a somewhat objective manner, treating otherwise subjective material with logic, distancing myself from potentially volatile emotions. Whether this is healthy or not is besides the point, it works for me.
This last year has proven to be somewhat of a whirlwind, or perhaps more appropriately, a tornado. An aggregation of events, disasters, and personal conflicts have plagued my family since almost as soon as 2013 made its dire debut. One might say it has been difficult to catch a breath, as if we were drowning in some sort of life sucking muck. Whatever devilry might be at the root of our woes, whether it be coincidence, spiritual, or self created, whatever it is did not count on the resilience and fortitude that lies at the very core of who I am and the very people I have surrounded myself with. Regardless of the constant pummeling, the incessant pounding, blow after blow, I, my friends and family did not falter, we did not fall. It does much to show that when you build your house on a rock solid foundation, it takes a lot more than numerous heavy storms to shake us apart.
That all being said, nothing really prepared me for what the insidious 2013 had mustered to barrage me with at the very end. This last week has been full of life shaking surprises and it has demonstrated, somewhat sorely, yet quite poignantly, that life is much too short to take anything for granted. My father, who I always viewed as a rock, a pillar, one who was always there, always supportive, always loving, an unwavering bastion of inherent goodness, an unfaltering guardian of all he held dear, is at this moment lying on a hospital bed with a not so encouraging prognosis. To have someone I deemed as so mighty to be brought low by something so dark and devious makes me so mind-numbingly angry at the pathetic helplessness I am being forced to endure. To make matters even more infuriating, the twisted shenanigans of an already evil year brought me my final gift on the very final day in the form of a best friend getting seriously injured in a car accident. Apparently 2013 did not know when enough was enough...
Those of you who know me, know that family and friends are of the utmost importance to me and that there is not anything on this earth that ranks higher. To have a family member and a friend both to have come so close to being taken away from me was a huge blow, one that I am still reeling from. Regardless, life, as short as it is, continues to move on and we are tasked with making the best of what we are handed.
Though this year has most certainly been difficult, there is still a glimmer, a light that shone bright til the very end. I am amazed and eternally grateful for the support we have received from the friends and family who rallied with us and helped us trudge through the sludge that continued to bog us down. Time and time again, our needs were met by the selfless actions of many of you and I am so very proud to be able to call you friend. I can only hope that if roles are ever reversed, God forbid, I can be in that place to support you in much the same way you were there for us.
Despite the painful job losses, the numerous car accidents, the various broken relationships, the familial health issues, the financial woes, and whatever other trivial events that made 2013 so sour, I look forward to a better and brighter 2014. A year that I can be proud to share with friends and family, a time that can be spent recuperating, succeeding, excelling, and progressing. However, though my hope is that this year brings with it prosperity and peace, if it does not, then I hope to continue to have the strength to take the proverbial bull by its horns and do what I must. Never give up, always strive for a better tomorrow.
Happy New Year, everyone!
-D
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Monday, October 14, 2013
30, I Have Arrived...
The title says it all... Or does it?
My apparent need to write about my impending birthday is, at the moment, accompanied by me being seated in an adequately comfortable chair, wearing what passes for pajamas in my household, and sipping one of my very favorite ales, a Lagunita's Lucky 13. A beer so good that it gets even more delicious as it breathes and drifts ever closer to room temperature. Such a shame that it is a seasonal beer and I will soon have to endure a long winter and spring before I can taste such a succulent brew again....
One might say that life is good for me right now, that obviously I am comfortable, I can apparently afford to buy my favorite beer and relax somewhat surreptitiously as my children occupy themselves with art and SpongeBob.
However, I can't help but relay my uneasiness and overall dissatisfaction with what seems to pass as middle class comfort these days. Even then, my idea of middle class may differ quite a lot from another's idea of the same, but that is a discussion for another day. It is no secret that men and women who are approaching 30 often pause for a moment of reflection, an occasion that can frequently send an individual into some form of depression and/or anxiety as the realization that he/she is not where they had thought they might be in life at such an age. I am certainly no exception to such a moment, though I, as of yet, have not suffered from any form of neural and/or chemical imbalance regarding this topic that, if nothing else, is stirring my mind on a regular basis.
The last year has brought on a lot of change in my life and the lives of those who I hold close to me. Events so dynamic that they have potentially rocked the very foundations on which I have built my life thus far. There is nothing like a tornado or earthquake to reveal to a home builder whether or not he made the right design decisions or whether that shortcut or two was worth it in the end. There is nothing like a violent rainstorm to show a roofer whether of not his recent project is indeed watertight. This basic analogy plagues my mind every day as I look back and reflect on the decisions I have made and agonize over whether or not they were the right ones.
As some of you know, I lost my job early this year. I had worked with this company for over 10 years and had for the most part started working for them soon after high school. I had committed myself to working for this company with all the diligence and integrity I had been morally raised to offer. However, to say that I was a shining angel would certainly be a fallacy. I, like any normal guy would bend the rules here and there depending on the circumstances. A coffee break that went longer than it should, a lengthy lunch break here and there... Overall, just small logistical things that would drive any micro-manager mad if subjected to such activities in bulk. Last year, my department was under heavy fire due to our obstinate refusal to bend to corporate demands that would have required us to "cook the books" in a sense. I was fortunate to have a boss at that time who didn't believe in engaging in such drivel and so therefore we continued to be harassed and harangued by various corporate puppets. In the end, myself and several of my colleagues became the subject of an unscrupulous investigation that ultimately concluded in 3 of us being accused of misconduct and 2 of us becoming the scapegoats that they required.
Needless to say I was very disappointed in the decisions that were made but ultimately I found it to be very freeing. I had known for a long time that I did not care to continue with the company, but truth be told, I would probably have never left as the work I did provided me and my family with a stable job, reasonably good pay, and great benefits. With me being jettisoned from the company without a further thought of my well-being, I found myself in the unique position that a man near 30 might find himself if handed a clean slate.
At the age of 18, I had little to no clue as to what I wanted to do with my life. All I cared about was acquiring a steady job and starting a family. I succeeded on both counts. However, though I continued to progress and move up within my chosen occupation, I never took risks that might have landed me in a career better suited to my needs and desires. Losing my job in such an abrupt fashion left me reeling with countless possibilities and I realized that though life can be an adventure and/or one can plan to reside in continuous mediocrity, there is no predicting that metaphorical curve-ball that can change absolutely everything.
Now here I am, just a few days from 30, and nearing a year since that proverbial curve-ball happened...
I would like to say that I am well on track to achieving some freshly made goal. You know, clean slate and all, but Alas! It is not so... Though this past year has certainly been a roller coaster with various other events occurring, and though I have had the good fortune of having an unprecedented show of support from those I call friends, I am no nearer to discovering what sort of path that life might have for me. I feel like there is no visible trail so to speak, that I have been willfully blazing my own, but is this the right plan of action? Is this the course I am meant to traverse?
My Achille's Heel so to speak, would be that I am not fond of taking risks. My actions have a direct effect on my family. My decisions set the stage for the well being or lack of it for my wife and children. So stability usually rules in favor of my own desires. In my mind this is not a bad thing and I have never entertained any sort of malice towards this supposed sacrifice. I chose to get married young, I chose to have kids early, I chose to be a relatively responsible adult when most people my age were irresponsible and marriage and kids were so far off the radar for them. All I can say is that one has to live with the choices he/she makes and the consequences that lie therein, whether they be good or bad. I regret nothing and I tend not to dwell too much on what-ifs. Ultimately, whether the path before me is laid or I have to make my own, the choice will be mine and my life will be what I make of it.
So yes, 30, I have indeed arrived. I wish I could say that I am meeting you under better circumstances, but hey, what man can say to you when he arrives, "The world is my oyster"? Now, I'm afraid it is up to me to devour that oyster, preferably roasted over an open fire and served with an amazing garlic butter sauce paired with an amazing red ale or IPA... Yeah, I know, life is rough...
My apparent need to write about my impending birthday is, at the moment, accompanied by me being seated in an adequately comfortable chair, wearing what passes for pajamas in my household, and sipping one of my very favorite ales, a Lagunita's Lucky 13. A beer so good that it gets even more delicious as it breathes and drifts ever closer to room temperature. Such a shame that it is a seasonal beer and I will soon have to endure a long winter and spring before I can taste such a succulent brew again....
One might say that life is good for me right now, that obviously I am comfortable, I can apparently afford to buy my favorite beer and relax somewhat surreptitiously as my children occupy themselves with art and SpongeBob.
However, I can't help but relay my uneasiness and overall dissatisfaction with what seems to pass as middle class comfort these days. Even then, my idea of middle class may differ quite a lot from another's idea of the same, but that is a discussion for another day. It is no secret that men and women who are approaching 30 often pause for a moment of reflection, an occasion that can frequently send an individual into some form of depression and/or anxiety as the realization that he/she is not where they had thought they might be in life at such an age. I am certainly no exception to such a moment, though I, as of yet, have not suffered from any form of neural and/or chemical imbalance regarding this topic that, if nothing else, is stirring my mind on a regular basis.
The last year has brought on a lot of change in my life and the lives of those who I hold close to me. Events so dynamic that they have potentially rocked the very foundations on which I have built my life thus far. There is nothing like a tornado or earthquake to reveal to a home builder whether or not he made the right design decisions or whether that shortcut or two was worth it in the end. There is nothing like a violent rainstorm to show a roofer whether of not his recent project is indeed watertight. This basic analogy plagues my mind every day as I look back and reflect on the decisions I have made and agonize over whether or not they were the right ones.
As some of you know, I lost my job early this year. I had worked with this company for over 10 years and had for the most part started working for them soon after high school. I had committed myself to working for this company with all the diligence and integrity I had been morally raised to offer. However, to say that I was a shining angel would certainly be a fallacy. I, like any normal guy would bend the rules here and there depending on the circumstances. A coffee break that went longer than it should, a lengthy lunch break here and there... Overall, just small logistical things that would drive any micro-manager mad if subjected to such activities in bulk. Last year, my department was under heavy fire due to our obstinate refusal to bend to corporate demands that would have required us to "cook the books" in a sense. I was fortunate to have a boss at that time who didn't believe in engaging in such drivel and so therefore we continued to be harassed and harangued by various corporate puppets. In the end, myself and several of my colleagues became the subject of an unscrupulous investigation that ultimately concluded in 3 of us being accused of misconduct and 2 of us becoming the scapegoats that they required.
Needless to say I was very disappointed in the decisions that were made but ultimately I found it to be very freeing. I had known for a long time that I did not care to continue with the company, but truth be told, I would probably have never left as the work I did provided me and my family with a stable job, reasonably good pay, and great benefits. With me being jettisoned from the company without a further thought of my well-being, I found myself in the unique position that a man near 30 might find himself if handed a clean slate.
At the age of 18, I had little to no clue as to what I wanted to do with my life. All I cared about was acquiring a steady job and starting a family. I succeeded on both counts. However, though I continued to progress and move up within my chosen occupation, I never took risks that might have landed me in a career better suited to my needs and desires. Losing my job in such an abrupt fashion left me reeling with countless possibilities and I realized that though life can be an adventure and/or one can plan to reside in continuous mediocrity, there is no predicting that metaphorical curve-ball that can change absolutely everything.
Now here I am, just a few days from 30, and nearing a year since that proverbial curve-ball happened...
I would like to say that I am well on track to achieving some freshly made goal. You know, clean slate and all, but Alas! It is not so... Though this past year has certainly been a roller coaster with various other events occurring, and though I have had the good fortune of having an unprecedented show of support from those I call friends, I am no nearer to discovering what sort of path that life might have for me. I feel like there is no visible trail so to speak, that I have been willfully blazing my own, but is this the right plan of action? Is this the course I am meant to traverse?
My Achille's Heel so to speak, would be that I am not fond of taking risks. My actions have a direct effect on my family. My decisions set the stage for the well being or lack of it for my wife and children. So stability usually rules in favor of my own desires. In my mind this is not a bad thing and I have never entertained any sort of malice towards this supposed sacrifice. I chose to get married young, I chose to have kids early, I chose to be a relatively responsible adult when most people my age were irresponsible and marriage and kids were so far off the radar for them. All I can say is that one has to live with the choices he/she makes and the consequences that lie therein, whether they be good or bad. I regret nothing and I tend not to dwell too much on what-ifs. Ultimately, whether the path before me is laid or I have to make my own, the choice will be mine and my life will be what I make of it.
So yes, 30, I have indeed arrived. I wish I could say that I am meeting you under better circumstances, but hey, what man can say to you when he arrives, "The world is my oyster"? Now, I'm afraid it is up to me to devour that oyster, preferably roasted over an open fire and served with an amazing garlic butter sauce paired with an amazing red ale or IPA... Yeah, I know, life is rough...
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